Zombies! Obligatory Halloween Post

Zombies! Witches! Vampires! OH MY! This is my obligatory Halloween post. I guess “obligatory” is the wrong word because I really don’t need to write a Halloween post but I love Halloween so much I decided to be one of the million Halloween blog posts out there today. So here goes…

I have a small interest in zombies thanks to The Walking Dead (OK maybe obsession is a better word for it). The Walking Dead follows the survivors of a zombie apocalypse as they search for food, shelter and safety. Besides the gore, I think part of the draw is imagining what the world would be like after a zombie apocalypse: no power, no running water, no government and roving bands of non-human murderers. How do people rebuild in this world? This scenario is played to its fullest in the excellent book World War Z (an excellent read by the way).

So yes I have a smaaaaall obsession with zombies. As I’m reading and watching all this zombie stuff I quickly realized I really have no bankable skills in a post zombie world. HR, like other professions such as marketing or advertising depends on an established economy, country, laws, etc. Until all that gets established I’m going to be singing for my supper.

Now fast forward to post zombie apocalypse…the country is slowly rebuilding, taking back cities and establishing the rule of law again. As parts of America are de-zombied we might start to need HR and other professional services again. So what is a former HR pro in a post zombie world to do? Where do you even begin?

1. Acquiring talent – Just finding people to do the work could be your toughest problem. In this new world more than half the population is decimated – either a zombie or dead from some other post apocalypse issue (infection, accidents, and “opting-out”). Of the remaining people who are available to work, none have power or computers so you can’t review and read their resumes or ask them to go to your website and apply. It’s time to get back to the basics of recruiting: holding job fairs (minus the booths and snappy marketing slogans), networking, and maybe even interviewing people that just walk into your business.

2. Training – Of the remaining population, many with key skill sets (technical and mechanical) have likely been requisitioned by the government to help rebuild the nation’s infrastructure. So that leaves you with a pretty small group of leftovers: writers, HR people, marketers…yea a bunch of people with no real skills post-zombie. Step one is getting your new employees’ trained.

3. Health & Wellness – Your new employees are incredibly stressed – they’ve seen family and friends eaten, die and then come back to life as a drooling and biting monster. Besides the PTSD, there is the constant threat of becoming zombie dinner. Sure you may be in a “safe” zone but you never know when someone leaves the gate open and a zombie stops by for dinner. In this environment is the traditional “free gym membership!” or “free blood pressure screening!” even applicable? My guess is no. I think you are going to spend a lot of time monitoring your employee’s health just to make sure they are not infected or hiding a bite wound.

4. Employee engagement – I’m guessing we won’t hear this phrase very often. In post- zombie America you can probably win an employee engagement award by securing your workplace against zombies (high walls with spikes at the top are a start). If you go one step further and provide employees with good food (shoot this is starting to sound like a pre-zombie tech company), I’m thinking those engagement survey results will be sky high.

If you scored a job in HR post zombie apocalypse what do you think your biggest issue would be? How would you solve it? Tell us in the comments!